BTW

BTW, there were words in this month. For those who know what I was talking about in my last post ^.^

And I got the Naked Palette for my bday :)

December - Not as expected

The best month of the year.
My favorite month of the year.

Is now the worst month of my entire life.

Sure, I turned 14 last week. What can I possibly complain about?

...

I spent my birthday at the emergency room for 6 hours due to some sort of asthma(?) attack I had.
I don't have asthma.

They told me I had a fever, cold and that I had asthma symptoms. I was wheezing a lot. And I just could barely breathe.

So I had a week off from school until I would get better.
On friday, things got worst.

I went to go get contacts, and I did, but they told me that my vision was worst, after only 6 months. And it's worst than my mom's. God willy I don't get blind by the time I'm 90.

On Friday, I lost someone that was close to me and that I loved. I have never lost someone so close.
"lost" as in the worst possible meaning of "lost".
 It's still unbelievable.
:'(

And yesterday, I found out a popular Spanish artist had passed also.

What is up with you, December?

The only thing keeping me going and not braking me down is the fact that my birthday was just last week and Christmas is coming up.

School is horrible, too.

I just want Christmas to come and get this month over with.

Oh, and 11 days until we all "die". (Referring to the supposed end of the world) ;)

Back

I'm back
I actually didn't eat a lot this thanksgiving.
My birthday is this weekend...
Naked Pallete? 1 &/or 2?
Make me blush brush kit?
Makeup on wishlist?
Laptop?
Xbox 360?
New room?
New video games?

^^all things I really want/need :)

So...idk if anyone knows what I'm talking about...but 1 FREAKIN MONTH.
1 MONTH FILLED WITH NO WORDS. :(
anyway im over it

Video coming up

I am going to make a video. A day in the life of me. Like...a day of you following me around to see what I post about all the time.
already started toady.

POEM!!

Its the last day of the quater one.
I failed spanish.
But everything else, I'm pretty sure I passed.

im really sick....................................................

I like writing like this, don't ask me why.

I want to write a poem or a song.

Poem:

I don't know what your thinkin
about
I dont know what your wantin
from me
I DONT KNOW what your name is
I DONT know anything bout' you

Oh I would know
If you'd be
the one
for me


OH I would know
who'd you be
if you were the one
for me

Oh I don't want to say anything
Because I don't know what...to say.
Won't you make the first move
Cause I don't want to play
this game
anymore

Why dont you find out for yourself
Why dont you find what your looking for


I never said anything to do you wrong
I haven't said anything...to you at all
I don't plan on comunicating
I don't plan at all

I'm not a serious person
I love to play and laugh
But its not the other way around
I don't like to laugh at playing with love.

Nothing is between us
Nothing at all
Just some perosn
I don't know at all

And I shouldn't care
And I no longer do

But i'd like to be friends
So that I would know you.

New Tabs ^.^

I added some new tabs. Enjoy them.

Countdown Update

17 days...
I have a small list of people I am inviting to celebrate with me...don't have many close friends yet haha.
But I will also invite some GTP people. I miss them so bad.
I JUST CAME UP WITH AN AMAZING IDEA!
FOR MY BIRTHDAY, I CAN HAVE A REUNION WITH MY OLD FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss them so much...and I don't have any friends that I am as close to as my gtp friends.Wow that sentence didn't make a lot of sense. I am tired, okay? I'm not editing it or re-reading it. blah.

viewers??

I just found out that people still read this. I have actual pageviews. I guess there are some really nosy people out there.
Well, since I now know that I have viewers, Why the heck won't you people comment when I ask you too?!

??

Bday countdown

18 days!! Until B-Day! Then about a month until the "end of the world!"
I don't really believe it, but it's fun to believe. Nobody can predict the end of the world.
I hope I get the Make Me Blush Brush kit from Sigma!
Or the Naked Pallete, 1 or 2.

:O

I'm worried for my grades now...I have some good grades but I'm failing two classes. That better change today. I can't let my report card have that grade.

I don't like him anymore. :)

My email adress is HOW OLD? TOONTOWN?! HOW LONG?!!

I made my first gmail account in the Library. IN 2008!! WHAT THE HECK.
THAT is just crazy. Time flew by.
And I made my first AOL account...my first account in general...in 2006!!!!!??? I WAS 7. THAT IS JUST NUTS.

AND I STARTED PLAYING TOONTOWN IN 2006 ALSO!!!
ITS FREAKIN 2012!
I WAS 7 AND IM FREAKIN 14 AND I STILL PLAY TOONTOWN????
???
???

Makeup :3

So...since my bday is in about 3 weeks now...I have made an amazon wishlist full of stuff I really would like to get. But it is surprisingly not that many things. Only 16. Not including either a Macbook Pro or Ailenware laptop. Sooo....its all makeup products. I also have a wishlist strictly for video games...but there are 41 items in that one and most of them games are for xbox 360...I haven't gotten one yet. So save the games for later...

I cannot believe that I started this blog in 2010 when I was 11 years old. On December 2...I will officially be 14 and this blog will be 3 years old. My diary has also been around for a while, but only since 7th grade. I started THIS one in 6th!!

This is so awesome to have a 3 year old-and active blog.
But barley anyone reads in anymore because GTP STUDENTS FORGOT THAT I HAVE ONE AND DECIDED TO STOP CHECKING UP ON IT. AND DECIDED NOT TO GO ON THE CHAT SITE I MADE.

I miss you guys tho! <3 p="p">
I becoming my old self again...like i was in middle school. Wearing MY style clothes and such. And...I'm actually social. Well...I can work on it BUT WHATEVER.

Should I make a show 4 this school like I did for GTP?
Oh, and no GTP drama finale soon. You know why. Slender man broke my laptop :/
That laptop was like my child.
Go figure.

140th post!! And Narrative for class!

Short Story: Second Draft

Name: Tabitha Colon   

                          Requesting Freedom

 Rose felt the soft, brown floor beneath her shoes. She closed her eyes, took in the smell of leaves, rainwater, and animals. She opened her eyes, with her head up, facing the bright orange sun gleaming down, right over the light blue sky. The sky was clear; no clouds in sight. Trees outlined the long soil path ahead. The trees had perfect green leaves, with glowing brown bark. Rabbits ran around the green grass that also outlines the soil path. Roses were sprinkled across the green valley on each side of the path. The bright red roses almost seemed unreal, how beautiful they looked. There was nothing beyond this...the path seemed as if it would just keep going. The rabbits then ran into their rabbit holes. The wind started to blow, and the leaves started to blow with it. The leaves of the trees made the sky ahead look green...to see the sky, she would have to look up, or sideways. Rose had never seen such scenery. Even in her dreams...nothing can ever equal to how happy she was at that moment. Compared to her old home, this was paradise. This was finally freedom. What she was used to was near darkness. Grey. Black. Surrounded by a crumbling wall. No windows, just a tiny hole for slight light, and air. The door was steel. The air was stuffy, dusty, grey fog surrounding her. She was trapped. Her captors were stubborn, irresponsible, nonsensical humans. She had only heard about the town that was outside her little box. Everything was mainstream. Store vendors were greedy goblins, only looking for money, rarely ever to help someone...or having a good business. Everyone worshipped evil. They looked forward to money, inanimate objects, and rebellion, never life. With all of these stories she heard, she was happy to be in her box. She wasn’t like the others. Thats why she is stuck here. She can’t leave, like she wanted to. She has no money, and now no friends or family. How was she going to get out of this horrible town? This place is for people who settle for less, or people who get lazy, and evil people looking for trouble and drama, or they just can’t afford anywhere else. She even hears gunshots from her little hole in the wall. It’s pretty scary for her to live in this little box, in the middle of an evil town.

On one of those foggy days, her friend who works in the hospital, “L” came in. She has long black hair, and is very tall. She is also very fit. She tries to work out as much as possible to keep safe in the town. She usually wears grey or black clothes to fit in. Her makeup is dark...eyeliner and dark lips...to seem like “one of them”. She is actually a good person, though. She was one of the people who are required to check up on cells to make sure the people were alive. Nobody knew, but L was actually a good person. She was just pretending to be evil, to blend in, so that she wouldn’t be locked up and she works here so that she can help these people. She had been trying to find a plan so that if they get enough people locked up here, she can let them loose, and the good can conquer the evil. L brought the girl a warm meal, which they only get on fridays. Meals were the only way she would be able to tell what day it was. She never knew what time it was, but the actual day was good enough to stay sane.

“So, hows the plan going? Has there been a spike yet?” She asked L.

“Sort of. Not enough, though. We have to keep getting the word out to pedestrians, but we have to do it carefully. Two of our men were already locked up by asking the wrong people if they wanted to change the town. Don’t worry girl, this can’t go on forever. Bad guys never win.”

She put her head down to her knees.

“They did this time.”

L looked at her...feeling bad yet determined to not let her think that way.

“You have to keep thinking positive, thats the only way to survive. You can’t keep thinking negative, or you really will never get out of here.”

“I know, but its so hard when you are surrounded by so much negativity, its starting to grow on me.

“You can’t let the evil take you. Just know that you would make your parents proud if you got out of here alive.”

She watched as L left the room and left her in darkness again. L’s comment made her feel much better. She really did know that this plan had to work. She always heard riots outside, eventually they were all taken in, but they can’t all fit in this place. They have to stop this some time. Hopefully in her lifetime.

 The riots had started to get more consistent. Less gunshots, less evil, she had heard from L. The plan might actually take action soon, she said. A long week after she talked to L, someone else walked in her cell. It was a doctor. She was taken aback because L was the only person that sees her.

“Where’s L?”

“Who? I’m Dr. Left, I’m here to make sure you are alive and well, we aren’t here to starve and kill people in here.” Rose became confused.

“No, L is supposed to come to my room. She always gives me food and all, where is she?

“Forget her for now, you won’t be seeing her anymore.”

Rose felt infuriated and began to feel her stomach turning.

“NO! WHERE IS SHE!?”

“Now, you have to calm down. I don’t want to have to take you to solitary confinement.”

“WHAT? THIS ISN’T AS CONFINED AS IT GETS? I’M IN A FREAKING BOX. I CAN’T BREATHE. IF I WANT TO TAKE IN FRESH AIR OR SOMETHING, MY WINDOWS IS A HOLE THE SIZE OF A PENNY! THIS ISN’T FREAKING SOLITARY CONFINEMENT? WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA TRAP ME IN A TINY ROOM WITH SHARP SPIKES ON THE WALLS?! HUH?!” Rose yelled, and she stared hard at this “Dr. Left”.

The doctor calmly looked at a person nearby, and he walked out. Then two people came in. They told her to calm down, and that this doesn’t have to be hard. She gave in, and they quietly escorted her to a thin, dark hallway. They threw her in a even smaller room. There wasn’t even a hole to breathe through.

“Now, we are only going to keep you here for today, people who stay here longer than that usually don’t survive.” The two people said.

They looked at each other and smiled as they closed the door. It suddenly became pitch black. She didn’t know where anything was. Instead of panicking, she decided to just sleep through it. She had wondered where L was. Was she captured? Why didn’t she come? Did she get out? All this wonder was enough to make her fall asleep.  

She woke up to the light of outside. Someone opened the door. It was the doctor again.

“Now are you ready to calm down?”

“Now are you ready to tell me where L is?” She responded.

“She is dead. They shot her during a riot. She deserved it, all of you people do.”

Rose widened her eyes. This news...it couldn’t be. How could they...is the town out there really that bad? The girl was devastated inside, but now that L is gone, she thought, maybe she could take her place, and finish what she started.

“I don’t care. Maybe she did deserve it. She was always nice to me. This town has seemed to grow on me, so I don’t even think I belong here.” Rose said, trying to hold in her tears.

The doctor seemed impressed.

“Well then, I see you have made some progress. We’ll take some tests on you and, maybe you will be getting out today! How long have you had mixed feelings?”

“For about a year already. All the good I tried, its stupid, you know?”

The girl was so relieved and happy that she would be able to get out. She had almost forgotten how sad she was a second ago about the death of L. It was a good death, unlike most of the people in this town. This plan will work. She is thinking positive, but at the same time, negative. What a strange mix.

 The next day, after all those dreadful tests, the girl took her first steps outside since she was 11. She is 14 now. The sky was grey and gloomy, everything seemed so sad and evil. This was not what she was expecting. Everyone was wearing the same ugly clothes. Everyone was blasting the same r&b, rap, and pop music. She really couldn’t stand pop. When she looked around, she spotted the goblins at each and every street corner, and every store. She noticed dark figures inside liquor stores. Signs of stars were marked everywhere. This place really did turn evil. The only thing that can get worst than this is people start killing people. As soon as she thought that, a gunshot went off. She swung her head around to look for the gunman, and saw only a dead body laying on the floor. Nobody acknowledged him, and the people who did were teenagers making fun of how he couldn’t defend himself. The girl tried not to look scared, worried that people would say something, so she just went walking on calmly, as if she would see that everyday. Nobody knew that this normal girl had so much fear inside her. She just walked the streets, noticing how bad this place really is. She came to a halt as two girls came up to her.

“Are you lost?” they asked.

“Um...why are you asking me? Why do you care?”

“Uh...no...no I don’t care...just...don’t tell the officers alright?”

“Did you work with L?”

“Oh thank god! You aren’t not evil...”

“Shhh! Don’t say it too loud!”

“Sorry, I am just so happy to see someone else. I can’t find L.”

“She...she died...in one of those riots. She was a good friend of mine. I just came out of the...asylum. She used to come and bring me food, and would tell me about the colony and the plan she had. Are you a part of the colony?”

“Oh dear, I am. Come, we’ll get you looking normal.”

“Thanks...uh...why don’t I look normal?”

“Your hair is crazy, your clothes are dirty, and your shoes are so 3 seasons ago.”

“I don’t care about shoes being in style anymore.”

“Well, everyone else does, so you better listen to us.”

“I just cant find any freedom anywhere, can I?”

She gumly continued on with the two girls.

All three girls were on there way to this colony. The girl refused to giver her name to them because she didn’t remember. She didn’t want to say she didn’t remember, because she was embarrassed by it, so she just told them that she wanted to stay safe and she couldn’t trust anyone yet, and to not take it personal. The girls suggested a nickname. They all had one. Then one of the girls suggested “Rose”. The girl loved that name, because she had always dreamed of seeing roses again. Rose agreed.

 They all arrived at this huge old abandoned building. Apparently, this was the colony. They went inside slowly and alerted everyone that it was them. There were about 20 people. Rose became really upset...and heartbroken that out of this huge town, only about 20 people were still good. A lot of people turned, she thought, and some people are still pretending. Rose greeted them all. Three kids, fifteen adults, and four teens, not including the new teen, Rose. The place was really big and roomy. There were about 50 rooms. It was like a mansion here, the perfect place to stay. How do they keep out the evil, though? Rose decided not to think about negativity and started thinking about a plan. They could all just walk out. Nobody was going to arrest 22 people, it would take a long time, and we would fight. This was the perfect idea to rise up against the evil.

 Rose stood with this colony for a couple of days before they decided to make the trip.They all went out at once, and some officers stopped them and asked where they thought they were going.

“We are getting out of this evil!” one of the women yelled.

The officers went after them, and tried arresting them, but they ran. They started to scream and made a riot. More people started to come in and scream with them. Officers were overwhelmed, and the evil was scared. They wrecked the town, fought back officers and the evil spirits. Even some of the officers went on their side. Rose then noticed the man who was shot when she first came in. He was still laying on the ground, rotting. As soon and Rose saw that, she became infuriated. She began screaming louder, and attacked officers. Would this riot ever end, or turn into a war? A goblin looked her way..and she became fearful. She grabbed a chair randomly lying on the ground and braced herself for the charge. The goblin came running as Rose swung the chair right into his face. The goblin fell, and dissolved into the ground. Rose noticed that this was happening to everyone. More monsters were just dissolving into the ground, back to where they came from. The screaming later died out, as there were no more goblins, no more spirits, no more evil. They are cheered, and all went their separate ways to either leave or stay. Rose wanted to leave. She invited the two girls, and they said they would be right behind her.
 Rose began to walk, and after a long time walking, she found herself walking in the middle of nowhere. Rose felt the soft, brown floor beneath her shoes. She closed her eyes, took in the smell of leaves, rainwater, and animals. She opened her eyes, with her head up, facing the bright orange sun gleaming down, right over the light blue sky. The sky was clear; no clouds in sight. Trees outlined the long soil path ahead. The trees had perfect green leaves, with glowing brown bark. Rabbits ran around the green grass that also outlines the soil path. Roses were sprinkled across the green valley on each side of the path. The bright red roses almost seemed unreal, how beautiful they looked. There was nothing beyond this...the path seemed as if it would just keep going. The rabbits then ran into their rabbit holes. The wind started to blow, and the leaves started to blow with it. The leaves of the trees made the sky ahead look green...to see the sky, she would have to look up, or sideways. Rose had never seen such scenery. Even in her dreams...nothing can ever equal to how happy she was at that moment. Compared to her old home, this was paradise. This was finally freedom. She suddenly felt a sharp pain in her back. The pain was so overpowering, she fell to her knees, and then to the ground. She saw someone come up from behind her. It was one of the girls, holding a bloody knife. Rose thought, ‘Evil will never leave this earth’, as everything went black. Death may have been the only true freedom for her.
But she didn’t really die.
She just had opened the doors to a new paradise.
Her own world. Exactly what she wanted.

THE END

*PS: I AM NOT SUICIDAL OR ADDICTED WITH DEATH, OR THINKS THAT DEATH IS THE ONLY FREEDOM. KILLING YOURSELF FOR FREEDOM IS NOT THE MORAL OF THE STORY. ITS JUST SHOWING THAT NO MATTER WHAT, EVIL WILL BE EVERYWHERE, AND FOR ROSE, BEING STABBED WAS THE ONLY WAY SHE FULLY ESCAPED, SHE WENT TO “HEAVEN”.

Official...

This is officially the most boring day of school that I had ever had in my 10 years of being in school. And my 13 years of living.

But my birthday is coming in 3 weeks.
14 soon.
Finally.

Wow.

I just went through my blog. 2 years. 3rd year is marked March. wow.

Songs?

Remember when I used to write songs on here? I miss that...but I noticed that I really cannot sing. For anything.

But I still love that "Late December" song.
Should I write more songs?

Boys...and School...and Laptop...

Okay, so a lot has happened since the last time I posted something.
Hurricane Sandy hit NYC, and our building took a hard hit and I got dizzy from the swaying.
I have a new crush but that's a secret.
I talk to people.
I am social...some of the time.
I'm starting to dress like my old self again.
I actually have friends.
I have been getting to school early every morning this week. I don't know, I just feel like I have something to look forward too now.
I'M ADDICTED TO CHECKING MY FACEBOOK.


MY LAPTOP GOT THE BLUE SCREEN AND CRASHED FOR REAL ON SATURDAY.
NOOOOOO! MY SWIM VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

Also I have less anxiety and I can easily talk to random people. Whoo!
And I am starting to be my weird self again. Yay!
And again...I actually have friends.

NYC MTA SUCKS!!!! + Anxiety

Don't even want me to start on today and yesterday.

Good news first.

Today, I controlled my anxiety attack that was begging when I walked into my second period class at 10:30.

Bad news.

Yesterday, the train was really crowded. I was in that crowded train.
When I got out the train, I had an anxiety attack.
Now tell me this isn't an anxiety attack:
Sweating
Shaking
Feeling like I wanted to cry.
Trying not to freak out.
Not being able to breathe, tight chest.
Shaky voice.
Extreme exhaustion.

That has to be an anxiety attack.
Today, I was at the station for almost 3 hours.
I got to school at 10:30
I left to go at 7:40
I got on the 4 train, no problem.
When it got to 42nd street, they said "There is a passenger at Spring Street that need medical attention. All the downtown 4, 5 and 6 trains are running with extensive delays. Please use alternate train or bus service."
I got off at 42nd.
Then they said, "There is NO power from 42nd to Brooklyn Bridge on the Downtown 4, 5 or 6 tracks."
So I called my mom who told me to go to take the uptown 6 train. 
Uptown had extensive delays (I was at the uptown station for an hour)
 I didn't know how I was going to get to school.
I jumped on a 4 train, planning on going to 51st street.
It was on the local track.
But I didn't know that it was running express.
It said, "Next stop, 59th"
So I decided to stop there and call my mom.
I got off and it wasn't 59th, but 51st.
I walked to take the E train.
Got on the wrong train, I got on the uptown instead of downtown.
I was all the way in 23rd street.
I took the Manhattan-bound E train back downtown.
Waited a while to get to Spring Street.
When it was getting close, the train got slower.
Then it finally stopped a my stop.
I got out, ran to school, and the doors were locked.
I waited a while for them to open the door for me.
I ran up 5 flights of stairs.
When I got to my second period class, it was 10:30.
I could not talk when the teacher asked for my late pass.
I couldn't breathe.
I tried to say that no one was downstairs, and he just said okay.
I got my gear (Piano)
and continued.
I had a hard time calming down.
I was sweating, could not breathe.
I thought I was going to faint
Or freak out.
But I didn't.
You know why?
Cause it was piano class.
Piano calms me.
So I felt better.
I need a piano around me everyday -.-
There is my story for today.

Help

What am I going to do now?

I don't want to seem like a crazy person.
I don't want to seem like a loner.
I don't want to seem like I am over emotional or an attention whore.

Can't do anything without seeming like one of those.
If I tell someone, I'm trying to get attention.
If I cry or go crazy in public, I'll be crazy.
If I go alone in the bathroom to cry, I'll be a loner.

I don't see anything but the downsides in this situation.
Why do I have to have this?
And I didn't have this before high school.
It's recent.
I started feeling this last month.
I can't wait to see my doctor, maybe she will recommend something that will help me, and not another "It's normal".

I pray.
I need help.
I need to see someone....but idk who.
I told a few people who I hang with that I have anxiety, and now I'm even more quiet than I was in middle school.
I guess I just can't take bigger schools or crowded trains.
Help, please comment if you are reading this.
Tips.
Please.

Fashion Confusion. Who am I?

In 8th grade, I liked the emo style. I always wore dark eyeliner, and days that I was able to not wear uniform, I wore dark clothes. I teased my hair, did the beadhead look, whatever.
I really liked being the unique one in Tainos. Since nobody there is unique -.-

I still like the emo style. But since my high school has no uniform, its harder to try to dress my style everyday. I dont have a whole wardrobe of emo looking clothes I can wear everyday. And now, I've been more into trends. But I see my self drifting into the mainstream world. I need to STOP MYSELF!
I CANNOT BE MAINSTREAM!
I hate mainstream -.-
Yet I'm letting my style leak into it.
I recently went shopping.
Started getting more edgy stuff.
Got a new leather jacket :D
Skeleton Hat :D
Betsy Johnson book bag :D
But I continue to buy casual clothes too.
Recently, I have been trying to be more edgy, like wearing the dark eyeliner look that I LOVE again.

And next time I go to the salon, I'm getting that EmO/ScEnE haircut that I've been wanting for ages.
Maybe after that I'll start getting back into the non-mainstream world.
My taste in music certainly will never change.
Never mainstream.
Can't stand mainstream music.
I like music that nobody knows about and that sounds like ART.

Swim - Oh No Ono
ARCADE FIRE! <3 p="p">Slightly rock, I like techno, I love Indie/Alternative.

So Yeah xD

YOUTUBE!

I'M BACK ON YOUTUBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY LAPTOP WORKS AGAIN!
MORE SIMS 3 MACHINIMAS!
WORKING ON TWO THIS WEEK!
WILL BE UPLOADED TOMORROW!

youtube.com/electacutedsims


SUBSCRIBE!
I only have 7 subscribers :/
Yet around 50 videos.

Update. Reason. Explanation. ADHD. Anxiety.

I haven't wrote in a while.
Not even in my diary.


I found out exactly what ADHD is.
I now notice how much I still really have it.
It gets worst as I get older :(

Since school started, I noticed it getting worst, more uncontrollable now.
Sometimes I feel extremely depressed.
Sometimes I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown.
Sometimes, or ALL the time, I can't stop moving, or I can't sit still.

I learned that ADHD isn't just an attention disorder.
Or a hyper dysfunction.
People with ADHD, mostly kids-teens, are very fidgety, unattentive.
I got my quietness from it.
When I was little, I was always being picked on for being annoying, or talking to much.
So I stopped talking.
Since 6th grade, I have been the quiet one.
And it worked.
But recently, I have been even more fidgety, shaky, than normal.
I have also developed anxiety.
From the stress of school or something.
Over the summer, I would go to sleep at around 6:00 in the morning.
Everyday.
Then I woke up at around 5PM.
I could not sleep at night.
Eventually I got back on my sleeping pattern, but last night I could not sleep.
I had 2 1/2 hours of sleep.

So I guess this explains my awkwardness, quietness, and weirdness.
ADHD and Anxiety.
Awesome.
I have a disorder :/
Yet ADHD kids are proven to not do well in school.
In elementary I did HORRIBLE in school.
But ever since I started 6th grade...ALL 90's! and B+'s!
I hated math, but last year I passed the math regents and I love math now :)
So that goes to show that I don't have a severe case of ADHD.

Sorry I have been typing a lot lately.
Writing cures my boredness.
That's another thing.
I get bored ALL THE TIME!
It really sucks.

i am really tired. so tired.
ugh.

....What...is...wrong...with...me...Help?

ADHD is more than just attention deficit...hyper dysfunction...isn't it?
Please tell me everything.
I definitely have more than just a hyper problem and attention deficit.
I don't know...but I am different than other people.
People can stand still...I can't really.
People can listen easily...I cant.
People can not move for a long time...I can not.
I am also constantly sick. I have a fever today...just that I am really really hot...yet I'm shivering.

Also, my sugars low. I'm shaking alot.
What...the...heck
Is wrong with me.
At least I'm noticing it.
And at least I got into a good highschool...I do well in school so that's progress.
Ugh....

GHETONESS! BORDEM! CONTACTS! GTP! MAC! RAIMI! UPDATES LIKE CRAZY!

I...do...not...like...my...neighborhood.
At...all...
People who went to my old school and know me...I think you already know this.
But I noticed I have never explained it in my blog before.
I am now.
Where I live...oh my god...I absolutely HATE IT!!!!!!!
Can I not go places alone without being stared down and without girls talking behind my back?
Can I not walk through 125th street without a deal happening right in my face?
Can I not hang without my friends without people being scared of us?
Can I not be peaecful without a crack head harassing me?
Can I not HAVE A FREAKIN PEACEFUL NIGHT WITHOUT THE FREAKIN BLASTING MUSIC AND GUNSHOT AND YELLING AND COP CARS AND AMBULANCE SIRENS AND ALL THAT CRAP?
Can I??
No.
That's why I need to get out. The story I wrote is actually about Harlem :)
I really think Wagner and Harlem are the most dangerous places in Manhattan. I really do think it...I don't see stuff like shootouts and gang raids happening daily in other places? I bet some people have not even seen a gang before! The first time I saw one was when I was 5. It was a huge one...and there were a bunch of gangs...it was like a war in front of my house/building. I watched it from my window. It ended in gunshots:(
Every loud argument here...or almost every...end in gunshots.
I don't look like I'm from harlem? Too bad. Unfortuantly I developed sort of a stubborn attitude being there...or like some sort of ghetto attitude and I HATE ghettoness I'm sorry...but really its over done.
Sorry Darren, Derek, and all those people from GTP who were my friends and were Ghetto. Oh, and Amanda. Pretty much everyone. Don't take it personal, K?
Well I'm in literary Magazine...I finished my story...so I'm writing here. If anyone still checks back on my blog please comment on my story...to help me fix anything? Because I pretty much finished the story. I know it isn't the best :(
Bored.
Nothing to do.
Can't wait till 3:20
I have someone's homecoming to go to.
And some makeup to buy. Mac concealer YAY :D
I love makeup :)
Oh, and I do not like Raimi anymore...lol I am still his friend though :)
There are...*clears throut* other people....in my school ;)
Raimi you know this I told you lol

I hate my glasses.
I need to get my new pack of contacts. Now.
Or new glasses.
I'd rather get contacts. They are awesome! When I had them, people can actually ntoice eyemakeup...and I could watch 3D movies without a problem.
Did you read all of this?
LOLOLOL
You really just wasted your time on reading this?

Literary Magazine Class - My Story!

        Requesting Freedom

 She walks along the rocky path. The trees and rocks lead to what looks like nowhere, but she still walks along it. She doesn’t know where she is going, but if it isn’t where she was before, she wouldn’t care. Everything here is bright, happy. The leaves are green, the ground is brown. The grass is shining. The sun is gleaming. Bright red roses were sprinkled around. Everything she had always dreamed of. She had never thought that this day would actually come. Freedom.

What she was used to was darkness. Grey. Black. Surrounded by a crumbling wall. No windows, just a tiny hole for slight light, and air. The door was just steel. The air was stuffy, dusty, grey fog surrounding her. She was trapped. Her captors were stubborn, irresponsible, nonsensical humans. She had only heard about the town that was outside her little box. Everything was mainstream. Store vendors were greedy goblins, only looking for money, rarely ever to help someone...or having a good business. Everyone worshipped evil. They looked forward to money, inanimate objects, and rebellion, never life. With all of these stories she heard, she was happy to be in her box. She wasn’t like the others. Thats why she is stuck here. She can’t leave, like she wanted to. She has no money, and now no friends or family. How was she going to get out of this horrible town? This place is for people who settle for less, or people who get lazy, and evil people looking for trouble and drama. She even hears gunshots from her little hole in the wall. It’s pretty scary for her to live in this little box, in the middle of an evil town. Better than actually living in this evil town.

 One day, her friend had came into her cell. She just told her to call her “L”. So “L” came into her cell. She was one of the people who are required to check up on cells to make sure the people were alive. This place is for people who want to leave and can’t, and people who are trying to change this town, trying to do good, and can’t. The evil in this town is too strong for a couple of good people to change it. L brought in some food. She isn’t like the others, who beg for food. She is humble with her food, and appreciates it. Thats another reason why they locked her up. Nobody knew, but L was actually a good person. She was just pretending to be evil, to blend in, so that she wouldn’t be locked up and she works here so that she can help these people. Nobody else wanted the job, and L claimed that she only wanted it for the money, but really, she didn’t care about money. She had been trying to find a plan so that if they get enough people locked up here, she can let them loose, and the good can conquer the evil. L brought the girl a warm meal, which they only get on fridays. Meals were the only way she would be able to tell what day it was. She never knew what time it was, but the actual day was good enough to stay sane.

“So, hows the plan going? Has there been a spike yet?” She asked L.

“Sort of. Not enough, though. We have to keep getting the word out to pedestrians, but we have to do it carefully. Two of our men were already locked up by asking the wrong people if they wanted to change the town. Don’t worry girl, this can’t go on forever. Bad guys never win.”

“They did this time.”

“You have to keep thinking positive, thats the only way to survive. You can’t keep thinking negative, or you really will never get out of here.”

“I know, but its so hard when you are surrounded by so much negativity, its starting to grow on me.

“You can’t let the evil take you. Just know that you would make your parents proud if you got out of here alive.”

L’s comment made her feel much better, and she ate her food as L left. She really did know that this plan had to work. She always heard riots outside, eventually they were all taken in, but they can’t all fit in this place. They have to stop this some time. Hopefully in her lifetime.

The riots had started to get more constant. Less gunshots, less evil, she had heard from L. The plan might actually take action soon, she said. A week after she talked to L, someone else walked in her cell. It was a doctor. She was taken aback because L was the only person that sees her.

“Where’s L?”

“Who? I’m Dr. Left, I’m here to make sure you are alive and well, we aren’t here to starve and kill you people in here.”

“No, L is supposed to come to my room. She always gives me food and all, where is she?

“Forget her for now, you won’t be seeing her anymore.”

“NO! WHERE IS SHE!?”

“Now, you have to calm down. I don’t want to have to take you to solitary confinement.”

“WHAT? THIS ISN’T AS CONFINED AS IT GETS? I’M IN A FREAKING BOX. I CAN’T BREATHE. IF I WANT TO TAKE IN FRESH AIR OR SOMETHING, MY WINDOWS IS A HOLE THE SIZE OF A PENNY! THIS ISN’T FREAKING SOLITARY CONFINEMENT? WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA TRAP ME IN A TINY ROOM WITH SHARP SPIKES ON THE WALLS?! HUH?!”

The doctor calmly looked at a person nearby, and he walked out. Then two people came in. They told her to calm down, and that this doesn’t have to be hard. She gave in, and they quietly escorted her to a thin, dark hallway. They threw her in a even smaller room, without even a bed. There wasn’t even a hole to breathe through.

“Now, we are only going to keep you here for today, people who stay here longer than that usually don’t survive.” The two people said.

They looked at each other and smiled as they closed the door. It suddenly became pitch black. She didn’t know where anything was. Instead of panicking, she decided to just sleep through it. She had wondered where L was. Was she captured? Why didn’t she come? Did she get out? All this wonder was enough to make her fall asleep.  

She woke up to the light of outside. Someone opened the door. It was the doctor again.

“Now are you ready to calm down?”

“Now are you ready to tell me where L is?” She responded.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news...well....not really. She is dead. They shot her during a riot. She deserved it, all of you people do.”

This news...it couldn’t be. How could they...is the town out there really that bad? The girl was devastated inside, but now that L is gone, she thought, maybe she could take her place, and finish what she started.

“I don’t care. Maybe she did deserve it. She was always nice to me. This town has seemed to grow on me, so I don’t even think I belong here.”

The doctor seemed impressed.

“Well then, I see you have made some progress. We’ll take some tests on you and, maybe you will be getting out today! How long have you had mixed feelings?”

“For about a year already. All the good I tried, its stupid, you know?”

The girl was so relieved and happy that she would be able to get out. She had almost forgotten how sad she was a second ago about the death of L. It was a good death, unlike most of the people in this town. This plan will work. She is thinking positive, but at the same time, is negative. What a strange mix.

 The next day, the girl took her first steps outside since she was 11. She is 14 now. The sky was grey and gloomy, everything seemed so sad and evil. This was not what she was expecting. Everyone was wearing the same ugly clothes. Everyone was blasting the same r&b, rap, and pop music. The girl had always loved Indie, Techno and had always hated pop. She guess that she would skip the “pretending to listen to the same music” step, because she really couldn’t take pop. When she looked around, she spotted the goblins at each and every street corner, and every store. She noticed dark figures inside liquor stores. Signs of stars were marked everywhere. This place really did turn evil. The only thing that can get worst than this is people start killing people. As soon as she thought that, a gunshot went off. She swung her head around to look for the gunman, and saw only a dead body laying on the floor. Nobody acknowledged him, and the people who did were teenagers making fun of how he couldn’t defend yourself. The girl guessed there were probably no more policemen, no more ambulance, the only place doctors are in is in this asylum, to keep the good people in. The girl tried not to look scared, worried that people would say something, so she just went walking on calmly, as if she would see that everyday. Nobody knew that this normal girl had so much fear inside her. She just walked the streets, noticing how bad this place really is. She came to a halt as two girls came up to her.

“Are you lost?” they asked.

“Um...why are you asking me? Why do you care?”

“Uh...no...no I don’t care...just...don’t tell the officers alright? We are new here.”

“Did you work with L?”

“Oh thank god! You aren’t not evil...”

“Shhh! Don’t say it too loud!”

“Sorry, I am just so happy to see someone else. I can’t find L.”

“She...she died...in one of those riots. She was a good friend of mine. I just came out of the...asylum. She used to come and bring me food, and would tell me about the colony and the plan she had. Are you a part of the colony?”

“Oh dear, I am. Come, we’ll get you looking normal.”

“Thanks...uh...why don’t I look normal?”

“Your hair is crazy, your clothes are dirty, and your shoes are so 3 seasons ago.”

“Um...ok...lets go.”

The three girls were on there way to this colony. The girl refused to giver her name to them because she didn’t remember. She didn’t want to say she didn’t remember, because she was embarrassed by it, so she just told them that she wanted to stay safe and she couldn’t trust anyone yet, and to not take it personal. The girls suggested a nickname. They all had one. Then one of the girls suggested “Rose”. The girl loved that name, because she had always dreamed of seeing roses again. Rose agreed.

 They all arrived at this huge old abandoned building. Apparently, this was the colony. They went inside slowly and alerted everyone that it was them. There were about 20 people. Rose became really upset...and heartbroken that out of this huge town, only about 20 people were still good. A lot of people turned, she thought, and some people are still pretending. Rose greeted them all. Three kids, 15 adults, 4 teens, not including the new teen, Rose. So 22 people are still good in this town. Not a big number at all. The place was really big and roomy. There were about 50 rooms. It was like a mansion here, the perfect place to stay. How do they keep out the evil, though? Rose decided not to think about negativity and started thinking about a plan. They could all just walk out. Nobody was going to arrest 22 people, it would take a long time, and we would fight. This was the perfect idea to rise up against the evil.

 Rose stood with this colony for a couple of days before they decided to make the trip.They all went out at once, and some officers stopped them and asked where they thought they were going.

“We are getting out of this evil!” one of the women yelled.

The officers went after us, and tried arresting us, but we ran. We started to scream and we made a riot. More people started to come in and scream with us. Officers were overwhelmed, and the evil was scared. We wrecked the town, fought back officers and the evil spIrits. Even some of the officers went on our side. Rose then noticed the man who was shot when she first came in. He was still laying on the ground, rotting. As soon and Rose saw that, she became infuriated. She began screaming louder, and attacked officers. Would this riot ever end, or turn into a war? The screaming later died out, as there were no more goblins, no more spirits, no more evil. They are cheered, and all went their separate ways to either leave or stay. Rose wanted to leave. She invited the two girls, and they said they would be right behind her. Rose began to walk, and after about an hour walking, she found herself walking along the rocky path. The trees and rocks lead to what looks like nowhere, but she still walks along it. She doesn’t know where she is going, but if it isn’t where she was before, she wouldn’t care. Everything here is bright, happy. The leaves are green, the ground is brown. The grass is shining. The sun is gleaming. Bright red roses were sprinkled around. Everything she had always dreamed of. She had never thought that this day would actually come. Freedom. She suddenly felt a sharp pain in her back. The pain was so overpowering, she fell to her knees, and then to the ground. She saw footsteps come up from behind her. One of the girls were holding a bloody knife. Rose thought, ‘Evil will never leave this earth’, as everything went black, and then white.

 Rose woke up in a dark cell, like the one she was trapped in before. It had the same small hole and same steel door.

“Hello?! Hey! Are you out there, L?”

The door slowly opened...and who was there startled her. A disfigured evil spirit...with blood dripping from her hands.

“Yes.”

Youtube + Update

Recently...I have been spending way too much time online. In particular, youtube. I watch WAY too many videos a day I think. I've recently made a new youtube account, so check that out. The link is in my original youtube, ElectaCutedSims. Subscribe?
I know I haven't posted in a while, but school has been really stressful. It is way more hard than I thought. So much homework. I am really tired...everyday now. If I close my eyes, I will fall asleep. I've never been this tired in my life at school!!!
BTW, if you didn't know...I just started higschool. I know...I haven't finished GTP Drama. I am making episode 11...AKA Season Finale soon. Hopefully this weekend I can. I am making a "Where are they now?"
I miss GTP soo much. This school reminds me so much of it. Laptops, Powerspeak, Writing on Google Docs, different classes every subject...I really think that GTP was the best Middle School ever.

Plus, did you know that when I started GTP I was 10????? I looked so much younger than I was...Someone thought I was 5! Lol...it was Dariel. Of course. And now...people mistake me for a 16 year old. Big change. I'm one of the youngest...yet I look way older. I don't like it. At all. I get may too much attention in the train now. And people treat me differently now.
Well g2g, bye.

Movie Update

Yes, the movie about Silent Hill is still going to happen, just not anytime soon. Maybe next year. I need to find a school and I need more props. Like fake blood. But dont worry, I will do this! When it snows, I will make sure to film my next scene in Randalls Island! NYC! You know the ashes in SH...well, there you go!

Change?

Do you think its time for a change? I am in High school and I have had this awesome design on my blog for forever...I think I will work on a new one. If there is anyone out there...any suggestions on a design/color/theme?

High School?!

Yup, you read the title, I started high school...ALREADY! Wasn't I in like...6th grade or something when I started this blog? Well, anyway, sorry i have not posted in like FOREVER but I have been really busy over the summer...sleeping. Hey, it gets tiring to sleep all the time. -.-
Well, I technically started High School on Thursday, but today is my first official day. I have an ID, MetroCard, and the best part- IT'S IN SOHO!
For those of you who dont know me, I am a teenager growing up in NYC. At first I was a kid, but I drastically changed into a teen. Maybe I will upload of picture of me when I started this blog and now. Maybe not.
I am happy i am with Kaira, but she isn't here today. Bummer. But I think I can go through the day alone! I need to either find someone to eat with during lunch or eat alone in the lunchroom and write in my diary. Not this one, my actual diary. I have had that since 2010 as well, but its not as old as this awesome online diary or blog. I am happy to announce that I have followers! Yup! 6! I hope there are no creepy people on that list...but anyway...wish me luck on my first official day please!
I am currently in Independent Work class...two more periods until Lunch!
Yay! And NO!

Freedom! And movie!

Oh, and I can -
Wear full makeup (eyeliner and stuff)
Walk by myself
Wear whatever I want
I was just recently looking at my old posts and I found some posts when I was 11. I said I still couldn't walk by myself. Now I don't want to walk by myself. I am still getting used to it. In high school I have to take the TRAIN by myself.

Oh, and I am making a movie this summer. I am using my camcorder to record and I am trying to get donations from my school to get stuff like props and costumes and recording equipment. It's official, I'm already writing a script and I might film in my school, which would be awesome.

No!! and Yay!!!

I am so sad I am leaving GTP and off to the iSchool. I AM SO NERVOUS FOR HIGHSCHOOL!
Any suggestions on what I should do my freshman year?
Oh, and Graduation is really soon. And next week I'm going to Busch Gardens. AND I CANT WAIT FOR MY HUGE GRADUATION GIFT

Poem

                                               "Not my fault"

You never listen to what I say

You don't care about what I think

You say, "When you are ready"

Don't you know I won't be?

I said I don't want to see her

You say that isn't fair

"She loves you"

"She misses you"

"Don't you miss her back?"

I thought I was your daughter

The one you'll always make happy

I guess that doesn't matter

You do have a new family

Its not my fault

Its her

Its you

Its not my fault

That I'm not with you

By Tabitha Colon COPYRIGHT

AWESOME VIDEO!

I DID NOT MAKE THIS VIDEO BUT I LIKED IT SO I WANTED TO SHARE IT.
IReMi07l created this.

Youtube Videos

Search me,
ElectaCutedSims
On youtube.
I have all sims 3 videos, maybe 3 or 4 random videos of toontown online, RT2, and other stuff.

Video Games

I am going to be one of those old video game collectors. I have tomb raider 1, 2, 3, Aniversary, legend and underworld. I have Silent hill 1, silent hill 2, almost silent hill 3, and silent hill 4. I will soon get silent hill 5, 6, 7 and 8. And in march 27 ill get 9. I like playing the old still super popular games. i like to collect them and play them. Silent hill 2 is terrifying. I ordered silent hill 1 and i am still waiting for it, but i couldnt wait so i started playing silent hill 2. It reminds me of tomb raider. They just give you the game and its like they say,go ahead, here is a game, play it. It has no tutorial or anything. You have to figure everything out, like tomb raider. Now, all games have little practice runs and tutorials. Not the old games. They are HARD. Silent hill 2 is very hard, but very fun. The music is so creepy. I got into silent hill after i saw the movie, and it became my favorite movie of all time. I have watched it about 20 times, or more. I was 8 when I first saw it. I did not know about the video games until i looked further into the movie. Now i HAVE to have every game. SO MUCH FUN!!! Now I need a ps2 memory card...i just got this ps2 because my old ones broke. I have two broken ps2s. i got a used one and it works perfectly. i love it. $30 was so totally worth it.

GTP DRAMA EPISODE 1

     This is a show of my school and all the drama that happens. It's not really what happens, but the              people are real.

Stalker Status

I hate crazy online Stalkers. One time, I was on Youtube, and some 20 year old guy told me he was 15 and he loves me and some other stuff. Then I checked and he was actually 20 and he lived in India. I freaked out and blocked him. He said he was sorry and that I look like his sister who died. I was totally even more freaked out. I blocked him and made sure he forgot about me. UGH! Creep!

Not Sure

I have been thinking about Raimi lately. I know...I shouldn't. Don't be dissapointed in me...my young readers. I just miss him. Even though at times I don't regret leaving his friendship but at times I do. If we go to the same highschool...or class...I'll try to make ammends. I think I want to apologize. I think I should. I only harrased him so that it would be easier for me to let him go. UGH! I don't want to be friends...but I at least want to know in my heart that we aren't enemies. I don't know why I did that to him. Ugh. Hormones.