11 year old me

My mother finally decided to give me some more freedom. No, not walking by myself yet, but now she is letting me wear a little make-up to school.

i wanted to walk by myself sooo bad and now i hate it boo hoo. and makeup pffft

 She just recently gave me a make-over. She dyed my hair with golden blonde highlights and she let me buy my own make-up. I can now wear eyeshadow and eyeliner and i can wear lipstick. I used to only be able to wear lipstick, but eyeshadow is my new make-up.

i died my own hair bleached blonde now and i wear literally everything on my face. i barley wear eyeshadow now cause its a lot of work. i just put on foundation powder blush bronzer lipstick and mascara everyday.

 The next step in freedom is walking by myself.

not in the next 2 years

 I knew something was going to happen, change, as i said earlier in this blog. 

this is not what god was excited for. its something you were excited for. god doesn't care about your makeup and freedom. he cares about your happiness and dedication to living while still acknowledging his existence and is able to make sacrifices for him that we wont see actually benefits yourself in the future.

Time is actually going slow again. Wow, the things god can do and they way he shows us he is real. By the way, if you are not Christian, i am, and i believe in god. You don't have to, but i do. I think these things that im writing that is happening in real life is proof god is not fake, but a real spirit in the heavens.

this isn't proof that god is anything. im still a christian, but none of this proves any of it. there is no way to prove god's existence without the power of the holy spirit, AKA opening your mind with the power you give yourself. you cant get the power of the holy spirit if you refuse to accept its existence. atheism is a very ignorant religion (yes, its becoming a religion now) because they don't believe what you can't see. there are things we can't see. its science. we can't see gravity, does it mean its not there? we know it is because it does things, but we still cant see it. god does things. we just dont see him doing it. but he does. 

my thoughts on 10 year old me

My life is hard and easy. My life is fun and boring. My life is happy. My life is life.

of course your life is life its life ya dummy

 I came out of my mothers womb and was infected with ADHD.

you werent infected its not a friggin disease

Thats what happens when you have a child young, because you have a child while you're a child.

no thats not why i had ADHD dummy do ur research

 If I was born later, I wouldn't have this wonderful life I have with my young mom. 

if you were born later you still would have a wonderful life casuse LIFEE IS WONDERFULL

I just hope she doesn't regret the decision of keeping me. She would have had an abortion, but once I developed in the womb, she already loved me so much. 

OF COURSE SHE WOULDN'T regret omg what was i thinking. she wasnt going to have an abortion because my grandmother is against that. she loved me because i was implanted inside her. she had to deal with me somehow.

I am so grateful for my life. No one else has their mom to take care of their baby. My grandmother helps my mom. 

how do u know "no one else" there are probs lot of grandmothers taking care of thier grandchild.

ADHD is attention deficit hyper disorder. I am lucky that its not bad. I can control it, so I always am a little hyper, but it can stop, and I might not always pay attention, but I force my self to stay still. Its hard.

you think u can control it but you really cant. its not even that hard you just have to stop thinking about it and when you notice it just stop. its not hard.

 I never thought I would get older when I was younger, because it would be so long, but time goes faster than you think, and you don't even realize it.

true i wonder if you thought you would ever be 16 years old reading your old posts from 5 years ago. time fliess

I think that I'm a one of a kind, since I understand so many things about adult situations, and especially since I have ADHD. 

stop being so self loathing there are other people who understand that crap. ADHD has nothing to do with understanding adults.

One day, I am going to change so much, but everyday I wonder, when is that day?

that day is now and every day in the future which is tomorrow and the day after and forever and ever changing everyday.

oh and im failing school basically 

????????????

sometimes i think i might have multiple personalites or something. some days im super positive and happy, some im depressed and i want to die, some im just tired and i dont feel like doing anything, some im very philosophical about the universe and the world, and some times im just very productive and i just wanna get things done. its weird and i didnt think about it until now. what do u think?
im not crazy, i think i know whats real and what isnt. i know reality. but what is reality? how do we know what is real and what isnt? because someone told us? halp

i don't want to go to college

i don't want to go to college because im painfully poor.
i don't want to go to college because i don't like to waste my time and money for something i may change my mind about.
I don't want to go to college because i want to live every moment in now and not for the future, because i don't even know when im going to die. if i die now, i will say, "what have i done with my life?" nothing. because i was waiting for a future i might never have.

oh and i got a ps4

update?

been almost a year since updated. am homeless without wifi and i forgot about this and ya hi